Dan wanted to do some filming. One is served by rendering unto Dan whatever his artistic vision is. “How about Shenanigan’s” he asks. I say great….except I am about 40 pounds too big to fit through. How did I get so big again? Oh yeah…gluttony. Lack of discipline . Large appetites….let me count the ways. Dan follows up with…”How about Chambers?” At near 220 LB, I know this too is a very bad idea, but I want to give Dan what he wants. To film some super narrow footage….and there is less area in Chambers that I CAN”T fit through. How about that for fanciful logic? I sigh and sign on. But the little voice inside me guides the daily choices and we schedule other fare. Then we realize that we are out of time. It is tomorrow or not at all. I suppress the sensible “not at all” voice screaming in my head. I think of a title for the story I suspect this will elicit…”The Blob does Chambers.”
Around the fire that evening, Nate says he wants on. He declares that it is high “on his list” of places he wants to go. I look at him. Perhaps he is a dozen pounds lighter than I? I say…”be careful what you ask for.” This does not deter him and who am I to say no, when I am so clearly being….what?….illogical? Irresponsible? Delusional?
From the trail head
Nate ready to tick another off the list
Down? Down!
The drive there takes two hours and a lovely drive it is, circling back around to where you can easily see over the Dirty Devil to where you came from a few hours before. We hike, or in my case limp down to the entry. We are only missing 2 of the 4 helmets, so Wes, who has kindly joined our group, runs back up to get the head wear. I stretch, aware of, yet pushing out of my head, the battle that awaits. We are off. I am last and as I elevator down, I pick a wrong angle and wedge at the chest, legs suspended and promptly panic. That didn’t take long. In shaky voice, reflecting a shaky mind, I call for help! Dan help! He comes close and out of my mouth comes…..all the platitudes that I offer to others when they are stuck. Like an old script, I talk to him like HE is the one that is stuck! In this way, along with his physical closeness to me, I ratchet myself down. I have a balaclava around my neck. It blocks the view of my lower body. Bad idea. It adds fuel to my war with irrationality. I can taste it in my mouth. The tin like flavor of adrenaline. This is really bad, as this often triggers irregular heart rate in me. “The Beast” and I are visiting again. I have invited him in and we chat. I eventually ask him to leave and he reluctantly complies, but he has left me compromised. If you have not heard of or met the Beast, here is some background on him
https://www.math.utah.edu/~sfolias/canyontales/ram/?i=beast
Back on some kind of mental footing, I proceed, last in our queue. Nate is having his own struggles. I now try to present a calm exterior because another needs it and this is a good thing. Suffice it to say, we both struggle and mightily, often having to go up several feet and still it is very hard to get our ample-ness through. We ask for and receive help from Wes, who takes packs, but also offers his hands to support our feet and his shoulders, to act as stilts. Most kind of him. I have gone on and on and on, over the years, ad nauseam, how our individual energy belongs to the group blah, blah, blah. I use this as justification for accepting the help I so obviously need. We finally push through the first half of the canyon and into the chambers proper. The worst of it is over and we have survived. I had on elbow and knee pads. I have bloodied all 4 of these points THROUGH the pads. Grace under fire…NOT! For the next week, these wounds fester and do not scab over. Ahhh the joy of lifting clothing, sleeping bag etc, out of your wounds, constantly. A reminder that I am presently a fat piece of….wait, this site is PG. You get the idea.
The canyon is a beautiful one and I enjoyed all the pieces including my struggles. I got home from FreezeFest on the 2nd of January and weighed myself. A tad under 219 LB. It is 17 days later and I weigh in at a bit under 203. Yeah, here I go again down, down, down in weight. Tom and I have had friendly competitions over the years, motivating each other to get into “fighting shape.” Tom, you are duly notified. I am coming after you!! I also have put Chambers on the dance card for late spring. I have some skin and composure I need to retrieve from in there. One mustn’t litter.
The Chambers
Ghost Rock
nathanslc
I guess I will contribute to this report as well since I literally have skin in the game.
I generally have a rule not to be the biggest one in a skinny canyon that I have never done. The original plan did not include Chambers. In the past I had been invited to do Chambers on more than one occasion but have always declined because of rule #1. I saw a video once of Chambers and it has always interested me but was always hesitant weighing in over 200 lbs. I made the mistake of sizing Ram up and thinking if he could fit surely I would have no problem.
The next morning was a chilly 14º in Hanksville and we set off on the long drive to Robbers Roost. A series of blunders before entering the canyon should have foretold what was to come. Missing knee pads, lost camera case and forgotten helmets. Things were not off to a good start and Dan was cursing himself for not having his shit together. Wes made the trip back to retrieve the helmets and Dan and Ram had a chance to psyche me out about how truly skinny the canyon is. “Its not to late to turn back” they tell me. I tell myself I am not the biggest one here and decide to proceed. We elevator down and touch bottom. So far so good.
After squeezing through some really narrow sections, things start to get intense. I have to exhale entirely and then push through a few sections. A dangerous proposition for sure. I made it through the first really narrow section and immediately shed my jacket for more space. We push on and things start to get narrower. The next section Wes and Dan seemingly have no problems getting through. I start off following the line they picked and realize quickly there is no way I will fit. I shimmy up the canyon and proceed laterally exhaling and pushing, exhaling and pushing. I am pushing and trying to move quickly because I really just want out and suddenly I realize I cant proceed. I cant move up or down nor continue forward in the canyon. I am stuck! “Mortally stuck” as Dan would later put it. The primal fear starts to well up inside as I realize the situation is desperate. I am fighting literally for my life. I cant take full breaths because I had exhaled to squeeze through and the walls now have me pinned. As I am controlling the panic, Ram calls Wes over to give me any support he can from below. My feet are dangling and the canyon is squeezing me further every millimeter that I sink and every breath I take. I look over at Dan and he seems more panicked than I. No choice but to stay calm and figure a way out. Wes was able to give me just enough support from below that I was able to push back the way I came and catch my breath. Total stuck time just over 5 minutes. With a clear head and support from Wes below we were able to slowly get my fat ass through the next 20 yards to a relief point where Dan was waiting. I made it through to where Dan was, took one look at him and knew we were not done yet. The mood was somber to say the least as we continued into the next section. This time I take a little more time and request Wes to support from below right from the beginning. We make it through to the actual chambers and Dan is elated that we made it. No more skinnies.
While I may have checked another off the list, I walk away humbled. If I had a lunch box, Chambers took it, opened it in front of me ate my sandwich and tossed the rest without permission. I immediately weighed myself when I got home. A meaty 206 lbs. It seems my diet of Pabst Blue Ribbon, cheese puffs and slim jims is not working. January 25th I have lost 8 lbs and have a goal to be Chambers ready by end of April. I want my lunch back!
Sandstone Addiction
Thanks for the wonderful TR.
The canyons are my motivation as well. Hopefully I’ll be in “fighting shape” to squeeze through Chambers and a few others soon.